You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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