We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
pray to the hookup gods
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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