Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
