Screwed.edu
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
