I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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