he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
