I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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