I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
