Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Randomize
