I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
