Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
