EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
