I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
