he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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