One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
