just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
