We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
