I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
this boner is exhausting
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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