Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
