Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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