WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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