fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
