good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
