soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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