Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
