That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
