is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
