i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
