I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
