Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
