Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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