just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
