Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
this hospital has no fireball
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
