they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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