everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
