are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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