i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
