Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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