Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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