I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
