I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
