WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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