K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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