Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
