she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
