I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
