What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
