i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
