So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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