IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
