I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
