It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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