I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
