my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
