i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
