I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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