some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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